My wife has a lot of rules in our household like if you cook you must clean it, to empty the vacuum cleaner after ever use, or to always call her when I am on the way home. These rules are just a few of things I must obey in order to make my life at home more enjoyable without fearing a sudden death. One rule that is big in our house is to always have your phone on you. I kind of take this to extreme cause I always have my phone on me consistently. If I don’t answer it’s because I am talking to someone else or I really don’t want to talk to you.
I have to tread carefully here when telling this story cause I want to make sure I set the stage just right. Yesterday I came home from work and my wife, little girl and my pregnant sister-in-law were waiting on me. The plan was to go to SAMs and get dog food and come home. Every time I get home from work it never fails that I have to poop. I am not kidding. It’s the weirdest thing. So I retreated to my bathroom to do my business.
After checking my emails, playing Angry Birds, sending a few tweets, checking Instagram, updating my Facebook status, and looking at my WordPress Reader I was ready to finish up when I realized something. Something that is the worst possible thing that could happen when going number two. I had no toilet paper! I looked around the bathroom cabinets hoping there would be roll under the sink that would magically appear but nothing. I looked around and for a brief second thought about using the washcloth in the sink. I would have to bury it in the backyard and never tell anyone. That just seemed like too much work.
Then I thought I would be clever and open the door and yell for Brittney but she never answered me. I continued to yell about three times but still no answer. I started to get a little discouraged and kept wondering how I was going to get out of this situation. Then I remembered that I always follow the rules. I reached into my pants pocket and got out my iPhone. I thought to myself that Brittney had to have her phone on her. Its one of our rules. I began to text her but she did not respond. I had no other choice but to text her untill she answered.
The following texts are real. No names have been changed and viewer discretion is advised.
Finally my wife came and brought me some toilet paper and I was able to finish my business. The rest of the evening I reminded her that I followed the rule and had my phone on me. What was she doing you ask? She was in the baby’s room cleaning out her crib. I actually had to text her sister to tell her to check her phone. We had a nice laugh while she was reading my texts to her sister. I forgive her for not following our rules but for now on I will always make sure that our bathroom has some toilet paper when I have to go number two.