So this weekend has been rough. There is not an easy way to say it. I feel like I have been on a crazy ride of emotions the past three days. One minute I am happy, then sad, then scared, and then angry. Its not always in that order but the intensity of emotions varies.
This morning I decided to go for a run. The one thing I know that makes me forget. It keeps me in check. It is the time in my day where I think the most clearly and I am the most relax. I think it is the runner’s high. I managed to complete 4 miles. I would tell you the time but I was not watching the clock. This run was just for fun.
I got a call before stepping in the shower from my brother. He told me that my mother’s condition had gotten worse and that I needed to come to the hospital ASAP. I jumped in the shower and threw my clothes on and headed up to the hospital in a hast.
I was told that my mom’s brain had swollen and we only had two options. One was to do surgery and allow them to drill a hole in my mom’s skull to let some of the pressure out or to let nature run it’s course. After a long discussion with my brother and stepfather, we decided to honor my moms wishes and to let nature run it’s course.
I spent the rest of the afternoon coming to terms with what was decided. I knew this was the right decision. This is what she wanted.
I never thought I would have to decide someone’s fate like that. It is a strange feeling. The closest I have ever came to this was when I had to sign the papers for them to extract my deceased child out of my wifes womb. As tramatic as that was, this was different.
On a brighter note, my mom was talking today. She would come in and out as she was trying to regain her conscious. She told me she wanted a Pepsi and a chicken biscuit. I had to explain to her that the nurses said she could not have that as they feared she would choke. She would sometimes ask strange questions. She asked to get her phone so she could call her mom. My grandma has been died for over 10 years.
When I go home my wife gave me a hug and told me that everything was going to be fine. I knew she was lying but I appreciated the attempt to make me feel better. She did surprise me with a new desk. It was just what I wanted to complete things for the gym and to keep blogging.
Now its time for bed. I have 75 burpees waiting for me in the morning. Goodnight guys!!!